Almost Among The Living...

This has been a rough almost 2 weeks now since I've been sick. Man oh man this sucks!! Its finally getting better. I still have that little bit of congestion that will not go away, but the coughing is much better, I can breathe again, I still sound like I'm sick which I hate. I'm finally back to work (at home that is, on the phones) which is a great thing. I'm going to have to do double duty to make up those days I lost. jeeze.

still haven't found a job yet. This is becoming really frustrating. I am aware that part of this is my fault for not asserting myself as much as I should be, but I do check the ads everyday and I do make the calls and when I get called I do go to the interviews. I've been sleeping my life away lately being sick. I can't tell you the last time I drove my car its been that long since I've gone out anywhere. Again...My fault for scheduling myself all night long, but hey...I'm working right. I'm making money right. So there has to be a balance there somewhere. I got a lead on a possible job opportunity from a friend I used to work with at walmart. So ill be calling tomorrow. Or today as its 4am right now. I'm really looking forward to Friday though. If my check gets here Sarah and I are going to Chicago again to visit the school and put the final touches on her admissions. This is exciting...I actually get to leave the house!! Woo hooooo

spoke to mom today. She's finally moved and settled into her own home with no crazy roommates. A house to herself!! yay! My brother went to visit her with his kids. I was going to try and get down there to surprise her but that fell through as usual. Hopefully next time ill be able to get there. He's got two kids, none of which I've seen, except in pictures. That's really sad.

so since I've been doing this phone thing I've read about everything there is to read in this house. So if anyone knows of any good books to read...Let me know. I know y'all are a reading bunch! hee

well that's about it for me. I've got about 20 minutes left and get to sleep for about 2 hours and start over again. So off I go.....

hugs, jeannine

Still Sick

Ugh...This has been the worst few days of my life. I hate being sick. I want my mommy...waaaaahhh!!

and the worst part is that these were the last few days to make any good money before my next check and I haven't been able to get on the phones at all since that would require me to 1. Have a voice to speak with and 2. Have air to breathe. Two of which I have none. I have a voice but ugh....I sound like something out of......I don't even know what....Like a trucker after smoking 2 packs a day for the last 50 years.....Not pretty folks. Besides that I'm barely auditable. I can hardly hear myself. I feel like I'm screaming when I try to talk and I hardly hear a thing.

on a good note though...I feel better today than I have these last 2 days. Today I feel like I might be able to do something....But then I'm afraid to over do it ya know....And make myself worse. I really want to get outside. Operation "fence in" has begun in the backyard and I would really love to get out there and help, but I know that I wouldn't be much help.

so yeah....The demo has begun on the backyard. The roomie has been talking about putting a fence up in the backyard and yesterday they started. The back yard is part grass, part driveway. The driveway part however has gotten really muddy from the all the rain and snow this winter and from me parking back there...Its like a big mud pit. The concrete part was all loose and cracked that it felt like it was just sinking in. So yesterday they started to pull it up. (they being the roomie and her daughter) with her dads help they bought most of the parts to put the fence up and hopefully weather permitting this project will be done soon. I just wish I wasn't sick cuz I really wanted to get out here yesterday and help. Its gonna be great for the dogs to be able to run around and not have to worry about other dogs or people. So that will be cool.

well here it is Easter weekend. My brother will be leaving tomorrow to go visit my mom in South Carolina with his kids and I'm gonna miss it. Easter used to be such a big holiday for us. I remember when I was a kid every year going to grandma's and spending the day with her. She would make a big meal (like any typical Italian family) and the pies....mmmm. Back then I probably dreaded it, but now....I miss those days. Holidays just don't seem the same to me anymore. Its more of a chore now. Its Easter weekend and it really doesn't feel like anything special. Maybe cuz I'm sick, maybe cuz I'm older, maybe cuz I don't have little kids, I don't know...Its just not that big of a deal anymore. I'm sure if I wasn't sick I would boiling some eggs by now though. That was something I always liked to do. Decorate eggs. Then eat them. heh egg salad for days!!

well I just finished my tea and my oatmeal and now I'm going to blow my nose and lather the vicks on and I think I'm going back to bed now. I think I just need to rest. Sarah is at work so I don't need to be up. Its just me my roll of toilet paper and buster keeps me company. Life is good.

happy Easter everyone!
hugs, jeannine

cough...sniff....weeze

sorry for the lack of updates but ive been sick. that chest congestion, cough, ache and weeze added with lack of oxegen type sickness. ugh...ive been miserable. its finally getting a little better. i can breathe somewhat. its hard to speak in full sentences with out gasping for air. for a second there i kept having thought of what superman was going through....it was that bad. i haven't been able to work for the last two days since there is A LOT of reading and i wouldn't be able to do it. im hoping to be back to somewhat normal tomorrow.

so speaking of work...i know you love these stories...but this has been on my mind and really perplexed me when this happened. it probably wouldn't have been such a big deal if it didn't happen more than once, but several calls that i had that evening...i think it was last monday....went something like this...

name please: jane doe
address please: 123 main st, somewhere, us 12345
phone number please: 555-1212
work number please: 555-1234
cell number please: 867-5309
credit card number please: 4444-0000-1111-2222 exp 0202
date of birth: 01-01-1966
and sometimes i need to ask for social security numbers for loans which i get as well......and then the dreaded question of all....

may i have your email address please: (pause)
I WAS TOLD NEVER EVER TO GIVE THAT INFORMATION OUT. I WILL NOT GIVE YOU THAT INFORMATION. NEVER EVER EVER WILL YOU EVER GET MY EMAIL ADDRESS HOW DARE YOU ASK ME FOR SUCH PERSONAL INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i kid you not...this happened at least 3 times this night. like email has such high priorty in identity theft. there quick to give you everything else...but when it comes to email...oh hell no!! its like pulling teeth. but try and get a loan and they will give me there social security in a heartbeat. go figure. most of them were older folk too.

so thats pretty much it. nothing really to much happening here. i had another interview the other day and supposidly will hear back from them on friday. well see.

have a good one!

click on the heading for a special message :) well not really special...but something i was just testing out....heh

I just woke up and........

Ok so I'm back to doing all- nighter's again. I'm sure you just sick to death of hearing about my trials and tribulations of taking calls all night long, but since I love you all so much, I feel the need to share. You know you love it.

anyway...I got so MANY calls last night from people who "just woke up" grab the phone and call. This I don't understand. Are you watching infomercial in your dreams? Of course they have nothing ready, no credit card information, no pen and paper to write with, they barely wiped the drool off there face. But they can pick up a phone and order some cure for weight loss for only there entire life savings which is what I should say since it works out to be that much anyway after EVERYTHING else I have to offer.....cuz I'm just good like that.

then of course I must have gotten every freaking horny man in America...All night long. They are so gross. Get a wife!

and this afternoon I scheduled myself for an hour and the whole entire hour was dedicated to all those people who woke up the phone in there hand, to cancel there order. That and old people who are convinced that I (me) am taking advantage of them and that I (me) am a scam artist and how dare ME?? oy vey

yesterday we went bowling (Sarah and I, Sarah's friend, the roomie, her daughter and her daughters friend) so that Sarah and her friend can pass a class to earn there credit to graduate. It was a gym class they both failed last year and to make up the credit.....They did a correspondence course which was bowling. ya know...I only WISH they had something like this when I was in HS I might have enjoyed it a lot more. Like going to BINGO to pass math or Chucky Cheese for Social Studies. Go figure.

so we have 3 more days of bowling and WALA....Passed. The torture I tell ya.

the job search is still going. Its very slow and very frustrating. I'm really grateful for this home gig cuz at least I'm stillmaking money even if it is working long hours and dealing with insane people. Its a paycheck.

hey did I mention that my brother is home!!! I'm so happy about that. I spoke to him the other night and he was out with his buddies at a bar. Go figure. Don't really blame him actually. I'm sure he needs it. He's going to visit my mom after the Easter holiday and give her a hand in moving. I know she will be so happy to see him and the kids. I'm just really glad He's home now. Hopefully he won't have to go back there. No I pray to keep him home.

hmmm....Well I can't really think of to much else that is going on. Ill be back on the phones at midnight so if anyone is up and about and you wan to chat add me to your yahoo messenger if you have it. GEMS4FUN is my screen name. I can chat between calls. Would love to hear from ya.

hey...One more thing. I've always wondered how you wonderful readers came to find me. I find it fascinating all the wonderful fans I have and love and appreciate all of you to death!! So let me know in the comments. How did you find me? Curious minds want to know. LOL

thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!!
hugs, jeannine

Wishes Come True!!

Apparently my Fairy Butch-Mother has been waving her wand and wouldn't you know it....THIS HAPPENS!!

How cool is that!!

So here I am again. Burning the midnight megabyte, making that dough. Which brings me to my next topic......Men.

(apparently the world has gone to sleep cuz I haven't had a call in the last 20 minutes. I've been at it now for 2 hours non stop and now......Nothing.)

so men. men on the phone to be specific. Why God invented such creatures.....Is beyond me. Now don't get me wrong I'm not one of those men hating lesbians (just don't wanna have sex with them, ewww) I do however find them (most of them...I know that there are good ones out there......Somewhere) to be, well.....Stupid. Example.....

there are tapes of women "gone wild" that I know you have seen.....I get a billion of these calls a night. Maybe 5 actually say something and place the order and the rest, hang up. What is the purpose of calling this number and hanging up. Does it get you excited to hear me say "hello, may I help you?" or were you expecting me to be breathing heavy on the verge of multiple orgasms?? I think not.

then out of those 5 I get maybe 2 that want to know everything on the tapes and proceed to tell me EVERYTHING they like to see and make sure they are getting there "moneys worth". The DVD's are free. You pay 6 bucks to ship it BUT THEY ARE FREE!!! Stupid.

I must have gotten 3 calls tonight...Different kids but I'm sure they are in the same household that call the number for The Magic Bullet. Its a kitchen appliance if you don't know. I have to admit, that I get a chuckle when I see it on my screen...Who would name a kitchen appliance after a vibrator........But non the less these boys find it very amusing to call and make fun of the name and wanting to know if in fact...It does vibrate. Ugh.

earlier today I had a man call to place an order for some get rich quick book and when I asked for his credit card info he told me to hold on, I hear a toilet flush, and then asked his wife for permission to order this. She said no. And he hung up. Literally asked for permission.....LOL

ok, well I guess I need to stop right here cuz I just got a call from a woman who would like ME to send HER an envelope with the address of the company so that she can send a money order. I told her that I can give her the address and she told me that she didn't want to get up and get a pen. So women have there moments too. LOL

well I just got back from a half hour break and my first call lasted 15 minutes. Why you ask...Because old people LOVE to talk!! And I don't mind one bit at $$ per minute. Tell me all about your life....And your lifelong friend who you want to help. Tell me aaaaalllllll about it. heh

the next few hours should go by pretty quickly as I apparently (word of the day) scheduled myself several half hour breaks . Which is fine by me since it makes the time go by really really fast.

BREAK TIME!!

ok well I'm going to end this here cuz I just go on for the next 5 hours and tell you all about the people I talk too like this couple that just called me to order a steam cleaner. These two couldn't make a decision to save there lives. oh.my.god. A 5 min call took 20 minutes just about, cause they couldn't decided if they wanted to make one payment or 4. Amazing. While they were just....Having a conversation....I wanted to just beep in to let them know that I was still here.......morons.

its going to be interesting to see what a 2 week paycheck looks like. cuz if I made over $200 in 4 days....14 days is gonna look mighty sweet. Of course ask what the weather is outside and I'll kind look at you like your talking Chinese. I haven't seen the light of day in a while.

have a good day!

LATER THIS DAY......

9am...still at it. 3 more hours to go. i just had a woman call. 70. just lost her husband of 41 years. and NOW wants to get in shape. go figure.

OK....well im back. 3am and ive been at it for an hour now. im actually on a break now for an hour and a half. im going to do laundry. ive been sleeping all day and now wide awake. so instead of watching tv...im going to see about being productive. coffee does a body good.

be back shortly with up to the minute updates on my night....you know you love this!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blank Screens

I so desperately need a new monitor. This one keeps blanking out on me in the middle of stuff I'm doing....Like taking orders!! Ugh. So frustrating. Lucky for me that it only takes a whack on the side to come back, but still....Very frustrating. Can you guess what I'm getting with my first check?? I've had this monitor for about 7 years now. Its a dinosaur compared to what it out there today but its a good one. I'm gone miss it.

coffee's brewing and I'm ready to start another night of calls. I think its Sunday now...I lost track. The hours are just blending together with intervals of sleep in between taking calls.

I have 3,642 songs in my media player file. That's over 200 hours of music. I just put them in alphabetical order and hit play. Its interesting all the songs that come up in between calls. Songs I never even heard. Its pretty cool. I recommend trying this sometime. I'm also re-reading Butterfly by Kathryn Harvey. Highly recommend. The book is about every woman's ultimate fantasy (revenge) the ending just about blew me away the first time I read it. Awesome book!

I would really love to know the fascination of watching these programs and calling the 800 numbers just hang up. Yes...I'm working right now. Fun stuff. Its actually pretty cool. I kind like it. If my ass could take it, I could sit here all day and do this. I pretty much book myself throughout the night and get up to stretch every once in a while to get coffee or pee, but for the most part I take calls all night. Its pretty interesting all the stories I hear especially from the older folks. They LOVE to talk, and I love to listen. Especially at $$ per minute....Tell me your life story, I don't mind!

defibrillator = I HATE THESE CALLS! I almost ALWAYS screw up this word and they make you say it a billion times!

that and Tae Bo calls. Ugh...So much damn reading.

THIS JUST IN: (2:30 am) some guy just called about pantyhose and was "getting off". I got as far as his name and hung up. eww (politely of course) weirdo. To think I used to take calls like that all the time. Such a perv.

8 more minutes and finally a break. woo hoooo. Aren't you lucky to be getting all this "up to the minute" entries.

is it a pre-requisite to drink yourself into a stupor before calling infomercial??

4am.....It always starts to slow down right about now. I have an hour before my next break of one hour. The house will start to wake up by then and I won't have to tip toe around anymore. Not that I go around stomping my feet in the middle of the night, but I do need to pee at times. I do drink myself into a caffeinated stupor (word of the day) all night long.

4:32am....A woman just ordered CD's that come with a bonus DVD and said...."Is that that thing that looks like a CD but goes in that "doo-Hickey" and shows you a picture?" I love my job

5am...Until now. Ugh...I just got the most rudest call. I think I would have preferred him to jack off but instead he had to be racist. What an ass. What gets me thought is that he started out really genuine and yes, perhaps asking dumb questions, and "feeling really bad" and reassuring me that he's "not a racist or anything" but now he wants me to play along with him.....By saying certain words. What an ass. I hate people like that.

damn, I'm out of Combo's.

hey!! Look at the time...See ya in an hour!

5:45am....So I have an hour to rest and what do I do....Watch infomercial. I don't get a break until noon now. This should be fun. I really need to schedule myself better....ya think?!?

ok well for now I'm going to end this dribble. Perhaps I'll update if anything interesting comes about or if I just need to keep busy to prevent myself from falling out. Have a great day!!

Short one....

ya know...Its been a long time since I've done phone work. Constant phone work. I forgot how much fun it is dealing with the public over the phone. Fun, frustrating, down right hysterical at times. This phone gig is a trip!

(did ya'll know I used to be a phone hoe? yessirebob)

I've been up all night, for the most part, taking calls. 2 stand out in my head right now.

1. I ask this older/elderly gentleman for his email address. He told me he never uses it. "its the spawn of the devil you know" he says. I just about died. He was ordering bible books. Go figure.

2. This (love old people) (again) elderly, I would say in his 80's ordering information on discount prescriptions from my old neighborhood no less back in NY. He was named after a foreign country and VERY Jewish, if you know what I mean. Funny as hell!! He was a dirty old man. Had me laughing trying to do my job. Wasn't easy. THEN towards the end of the call the wife wakes up. "what are you doing?" she says......Then takes the phone and proceeds to tell me that she needs to watch him cause he's loosing his mind and what was he doing on the phone with me. So I explained and then she was reassured that he didn't put them in bankruptcy, was just getting some free information and can I can't even tell you how long it took me to to convince her IT WAS FREE!! She was one of those...."Are you sure", "whets the catch" and even went as far to say "I hope I'm still alive when the information comes so that I take advantage of the product"!! OY!! They were so funny totally made my night.

and now I have 6 beautiful hours of sleep ahead of me before I get on the phones again. And then another long night. Fun stuff I tell you. But I'm glad I'm doing it. Its easy money.

have a good day

Just Me

So all that anxiety I had the other day was for nothing. As it turns out....I was supposed to call them to make an appointment to do the one on one, not be tested. So I sat here for like 3 hours a nervous wreck for nothing. My appointment is like in 2 weeks. Ugh. But that's ok. I started the other program I'm certified for and that was pretty easy. A little rough at first but I'm getting there. Once I "get it" piece of cake. I'm sure that by the time this night is over I will have gotten it. I'm actually killing time here cause I start work in an hour. I booked myself through the night. So I took a long nap, got a pot of coffee brewing and I'm good to go. Sarah is sleeping, the house is quiet, woo hoooo!

I decided to make a full pot of coffee from my old 12 cup brewer since because as much as I love my one cup I just don't have the time to keep making one cup. So I pulled out the old 12 cup and beginning the process of making my coffee. Now the one cup has its own built in filter and I realized that I don't have any coffee filters for the 12 cup. Dilemma.

I remember (back in the day) when I used to work an overnight shift we ran out of filters and they used a paper towel. So guess what....So am I. I'm about to see how it work as I think I hear it coming to an end brewing....And it smells damn good....BRB.....

well not bad. It worked and I didn't get grinds in my cup...Woo hooey. Note to self....Get some filters. LOL I'm basically working through the night and most of the morning. I do have some breaks in between to catch some z's if I need too. I'm trying to keep the line free during the day in case anyone calls. I'm hoping the ad agency calls me. That would be sweet.

ever try chips-a-hoy white fudge chunks cookies. They are da bomb!! Sarah bought a package for me/us cuz she knows how much I love to dunk my cookies in some coffee and she knows how much coffee ill be drinking this weekend. She loves me. She's been sooo good about helping out with money. Its kinda embarrassing, but she understands and she wants to help.

12:44am and I have a little less than an hour before I start. I should lay down. nah I haven't talked about my weight in a while. This journal has come a long way. It started out as a diet journal and just lapsed into a life journal. Funny how that happens. Although I do miss the first website I had. It had so much more to it. And so colorful. It was more "me" but that damn bandwidth. One day ill get my shit together and put together a better site...For now...This will do. I should go see about archiving my older entries from the past. That will keep me busy for a while.

ok well....I might come back and update. Have a good night...
hugs, jeannine OH....by the way....WELCOME to the new people who joined my notify list. i find it amazing that there are actually 30+ readers who are interested in my life. how cool is that! i feel like a star :o)

MY READERS ARE DA BOMB!!! LOL :O)~

Who Am I?

After writing yesterdays entry last night I received a couple of emails from someone on my notify list who thinks they know me SO well that they believe that I've been writing fiction about myself for the last 3 years just to amuse you fine readers. Basically this person thinks that I am making up the fact that I am gay. Good lord.

this is what they wrote:

Doll, you are not glad, you I do not believe!

(GLAD stands for: Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders)
so I shoot back an email saying I don't understand....It was 2am and I was fried. So I get this:

Is very simple, my doll!
The girls of your type, usually promise many and they say beautiful and flattering reasons for the recipients of their messages, in order to they induce. I do not… believe,

"the girls of my type"??? by this do they mean Dykes? (or soft butch as i like to label myself...heh) HELLO HAVE YOU SEEN MY PICTURE?? damn cute yes....but if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck...its a duck!

At first I was humored by this, then I was kinda pissed. Now its just bothering me and I want to know why. I'm waiting for that email now. Keep ya posted. And what the hell is "doll" all about, like I'm some freakin barbie or something...ewwww!!

so just in case your not sure.....Let me just take this opportunity to tell you exactly......Who I Am.

WARNING: If talk of my lifestyle is troublesome for you.....I would suggest moving on to the next journal cause I'm about to real personal here.

My name is Jeannine. Born in Brooklyn, NY in June of 1966. Raised by my mom and my step dad. A biker family. Was more so then, then now. My mom still "in the life", but me....I grew out of it to a point. I still love to ride, just never do. I can remember as I child I've always attached myself to beautiful women. Always wanted to be around them. My parents friends, then teachers as I grew older. Still not really knowing what it was I was feeling. I just knew it was different. I was introduced to the word "lesbian" through my parents actually. My dad had a friend who is gay and we went to her house on night and I was fascinated by her. It all made perfect sense then. I was young, I don't even think I was a teenager yet. But I had feelings. feelings for women.
now as I got older and learned more and more about that life, yes I wanted the experience, I fantasied about it, I thought about it, but I never acted on it. As I got older into my teens, it always was in the back of my mind but I would never say anything or do anything, I would just go with what everyone else was doing and that was dating guys. But they never came around. I lost my virginity at the age of 21 in the backseat of a car with a guy I saw maybe 2 or three times. (my first boyfriend (Pete) never got that chance and we were together for almost 2 years.) I went through a period that I'm not really proud of so I'm not going to dwell on it....it didn't last long, but in that time I realized that this is just not for me. When your with someone your supposed to feel that connection, sex is supposed to be fun, and it wasn't.
one of my best friends at the time shared the same feelings I did. She was the only one who knew how I felt about women, then only one I trusted. We talked a lot about it. We even experimented and it was nothing like I have ever felt in all my life. To this day we are still the best of friends. (she's bi) no obviously there is more to this but I'm not going to dwell....This is the gist of it. So anyway.....It was then that I decided to stop fighting this urge and just be who I am and except it. And I did. And I felt so much better. I knew who I was. I know who I am! And thanks to a good friend of mine who kinda gave me that push....I came out. And when I did.....Nobody cared. It was like everyone knew already. It was the weirdest thing. I have to say that I am quite lucky in that aspect. All my friends and my family were quite accepting of my lifestyle and for that I am so grateful.

at 23 I met my first love. Sherrell. She was 5 years older than me. Beautiful woman, charming personality, you couldn't help but fall in love with her. Everyone did. She was like a magnet. Very Oprah like. Everybody wanted to be around Sherrell. We were together for 9 years. I can't say enough about her, she was just great. But we were going in two totally different directions and with everything going on in my life at the time (grandma's death, then my dad) she wanted to take me away and I couldn't go. She was the one that got away. But we are still friends and I recently got in touch with her again after 4 years and she still the same.

every hear that joke.......What do lesbians do on a 2nd date? Rent a uhaul...Bah dum bum....Well that was my life for a while. After sherrell there was Marie. Marie lived in VA, I moved. I was her first girlfriend. We had a pretty good relationship, great sex...That's about it. That lasted 3 years, she wanted to explore. After Marie came Terry. Terry lived in IL. I moved again. 2 months later she left me for another woman in PA and up and moved about a month later. I don't think I was with long enough to know who she really was.

I decided then that I was not moving for anyone else. Then I met Tina. She moved in with me. Shortly after that I found out she was a compulsive liar and a cheater and was doing things that I just didn't understand and moved out about 3 months later.

and then came Dana. I'm sure those of you who were around know of Dana. She was just nuts. And finally Tina (a different one) who I opened my home to once again, for her daughter to live with me and rake me over the coals by using my act of kindness and choking me with it. Put me in debt, stole from me, and ruined my nice apartment. Tina stayed with me for a short time before moving away and I thought it best to just cut those ties since that was a relationship that wasn't very good for me to be in.

I was very much in love with all of these women at the time. Love is truly blind ya know. However I still remain friends with them all. Except Dana and Tina #2...I don't talk to them.

and now I'm single.

so there you have it...The whole sorted life of jeannine. Now why would I make this shit up. I love my lifestyle. I love loving women. Its a beautiful thing. Am I going to ram it down your throats....I think not. If I have something to say about it....I will. Its my journal. Do I wave my rainbow flag proudly....Hell yes. I have great pride in who I am and I don't hide it from anybody. Everyone who knows me, knows I'm gay. I'm everyone's token lesbian and I'm quite proud of that.

So Let me set that example for those non believers.....I'm here, I'm Queer, get used to it!!

so I still don't get what the emails are about, but it sparked up quite an entry, huh!

keep smilin!!

I Wish....

I wish that life wasn't so complicated. I'm not looking for perfection, but just simplicity.

I wish there was no such thing as first impressions.

I wish everyone could be optimistic.

I wish I didn't panic so much.

I wish I was more confident in my ability to strive for excellence.

I wish Angelina Jolie was my best friend.......(with benefits...heh).

I wish The L Word came on everyday like a soap opera.

I wish I had a job.

I wish that the interview I had today was a done deal.

I wish it was Friday so I would know if I got that job.

I wish I could just get on the phones already and start my work at home gig.

I wish I wouldn't panic so much.

I really wish I knew those winning numbers.

I wish I could play.

I wish my pets would pet ME for a change.

I wish chocolate grew on trees and that tree was in my backyard.

I wish the snow would go away.

I wish I could finish this damn puzzle.

I wish I could lose weight.

I wish my "favorite hetro" would update more often. hee!!

I wish my life was just a bit more exciting.

I wish I could get over this fear and get on the phone already.

I wish I was a better friend.

ok well that's it for now. I have lots of anxiety right now because I am getting ready to start the work at home thing and making this initial call is making me very anxious. This always happens. You should have seen me when I was first learning how to drive 5 years ago. I sat behind the wheel of the car for a good 15 minutes (no exaggeration) until my friend basically started the car and told me to go. that's pretty much what is going on right now. Except I don't have anybody here to make this call but me. It's been a little bit more than 15 minutes. But I'm going to do it....Hopefully in the very near (15 minute) future.

I had this really great interview today with this company that I would love to work for. Its in advertising, and I talked with this woman for 2 hours about life, family, the job, everything you can imagine. It was the best interview I think I have ever had in my life. I feel like I made a friend. But of course I was the first interview and she had a few others that she had to see, and will get back to me on Friday. I've been a wreck since I got home. I really really want this job. AND is about 10 minutes from my house. Small company. 3 person office. Basically she want to get out in the field and needs someone to hold down the fort. (PICK ME PICK ME!!!) She was explaining the job (so freakin easy) and I had a lot of input that she was impressed by (creatively speaking) and I tell ya....I haven't had this drive in a long time. She EVEN has a hook up on puzzles. (have I ever mentioned that I want to create my own puzzles? Well I do) I wanted to just tell her to forget everyone else, I'm your woman but I had to remain somewhat professional right? (bless me, I sneezed) I mean really (sniff...Could someone pass me a tissue? Thanks.) this is like the perfect job for me. Answering phones, order entry, working on graphic designs, computer work that I'm pretty much on my own with since the other two people know how to check email...And that's it. So I was letting her know of my talents.

"You are a delight and it was an absolute pleasure meeting you" were her last words.

Cha-Ching......I see paychecks in my future!

And here I go trying not to get my hopes up.....UGH!!!

that was the only appointment at 1pm until the phone rang at 9am and wanted to see me asap for a job possibility (temp agency) so I went (of course) with a hope and prayer cuz I'm on E and payday (for Sarah) is on Thursday. But I made it. So of course I'm getting all these calls now but the job I really want (see above) I won't know about till Friday and these other possibilities will most likely come through. Not that I'm complaining or anything but isn't that always the case. I remember way way WAY back in the day (before my love for women that is) when I got my first "real" boyfriend. I never really dated, I was 17/18, and we started going "steady" and then all of sudden......All these guys are asking me out. All of a sudden I'm attractive. Weird. Pete lasted about a year and a half...I think. I had to break his heart....He was getting me a ring for Christmas. A diamond ring. I was like all of what 18/19. I think not. 2 weeks before xmas.....I ended it. I wanted to explore, I wanted other things. Women. At the time I thought for sure...Bi-sexual. After meeting my first girlfriend....I knew for sure....Lesbian. But that's a whole nutha entry.

I'm just killing time here. deeeeeep breathe......Exhale.......deeeeeeep breathe..........Exhale..........Ok.......Here I go.

Puzzle Moments

Like I mentioned before I've been doing puzzles. So I thought I would show you them since I have a bunch done. I glue them so eventually I will hang them. I do have a question though for you puzzle people out there. Currently (I've been doing one a week) I'm working on this one.

This was given to me by a journal friend of mine Bonnie who I've mentioned numerous times for Christmas about 2 years ago. I haven't been able to do it cuz I haven't had a big enough space to do it on. Its a panoramic puzzle. Very long. As a matter of fact I'm doing this one in two parts. Because I really want to do it. So I've got most of done as you can see. The pic shows part of it.....I have everything but the sky to do. Which leave me with this question. How does one do a puzzle where all the pieces are the same color, as shown below.

These are the pieces I have left. I have sat there for about 2 hours only to get I'm maybe 5 pieces. It is almost impossible. But I will get it done!! It might take another year since I have to do one piece at a time..But IT WILL BE DONE!!

here are some others that I've done so far....The glare in the pics are horrible.....

I loved the colors in this one.


This is one of a series that I fell in love with. She has a castle on her head. This picture does not do it justice. Its really a beautiful scene. There are all kinds of hidden things in it.


same with this one. Same woman, same damn glare, only this time she has a reptile (I can't spell equana) on her head. You can't really see them but there are hidden stuff in this one too.


and finally this one. I plan to frame them one day.

no to much is going on with me. Still looking for a job. Its getting very depressing. March is here, its been over a month now and I'm really starting to panic. On a good note, ill be doing a work at home thing most likely starting as soon as this weekend. So that will be good, for now. But I'm really worried.

yesterday I took one of sarahs friends to a doctors appointment so that she can pick up her meds and nobody was around to take her so I did. It was a very disturbing trip. Her friend suffers from panic attacks and depression. So she's on medication. she's been out for the last 2 weeks and needed to get more. So we go. We must have waited for almost 2 hours watching everyone come and go...People who have been there after us going in to see the doctor. It seemed that the doc wasn't taking people in any particular order...Just random choosing I guess. So we waited. And waited. I see his nurse running back and fourth to this room coming out with a bag (kmart, sears, target, local grocery store type bags) of meds and when the patient leaves she hands it to them. sarahs friend in 18. Just about everyone else there was considerably older and quiet frankly looked like they needed some help. Finally the doc calls her in. I ask her if she wants me to go in with her, she says yes. So I do.

we walk in, I sit down, get introduced, and hear him talk about how its been a long time since he has seen her (October) and how long has she been without meds. She says 2 weeks, he says no problem, we'll get you some today to take with you and then proceeds to fill out this form. He says, while pointing stuff out on the form that "this shows that you came on your appointed day, this shows that I have talked to you and this is what we have talked about, mood swings, depression, changes, etc....Sign here and date."

"well it was nice to see you again, we'll see you again in 6 months, Nancy will get your meds for you, have a nice day."

that was it. I sat there stunned. The whole thing took 5 minutes and all those things he checked off on the form HE DIDN'T EVEN DISCUSS!!! I was floored by this. The doc and I made eye contact and I looked at him like, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! I didn't even know what to say and I just looked at him and laughed, shook my head in disgust and walked out mumbling I don't know what. I was very disappointed. You hear shit like this all the time but I guess I never really thought I would ever see it. Doctors just pushing the meds. He didn't even ask her any questions!!

Sarah has off of school tomorrow and were going to see Diary of Mad Black Women. Can't wait!! We just watched the play the other night and oh.my.gosh. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I'm really looking forward to the movie.

and that about does it for me. I'm so bored with my life right now, I can't even begin to tell you. And I have no ambition to do anything either. I just want to.......Well lets not go there......LOL.

have a good one!
jeannine