Who Am I?

After writing yesterdays entry last night I received a couple of emails from someone on my notify list who thinks they know me SO well that they believe that I've been writing fiction about myself for the last 3 years just to amuse you fine readers. Basically this person thinks that I am making up the fact that I am gay. Good lord.

this is what they wrote:

Doll, you are not glad, you I do not believe!

(GLAD stands for: Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders)
so I shoot back an email saying I don't understand....It was 2am and I was fried. So I get this:

Is very simple, my doll!
The girls of your type, usually promise many and they say beautiful and flattering reasons for the recipients of their messages, in order to they induce. I do not… believe,

"the girls of my type"??? by this do they mean Dykes? (or soft butch as i like to label myself...heh) HELLO HAVE YOU SEEN MY PICTURE?? damn cute yes....but if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck...its a duck!

At first I was humored by this, then I was kinda pissed. Now its just bothering me and I want to know why. I'm waiting for that email now. Keep ya posted. And what the hell is "doll" all about, like I'm some freakin barbie or something...ewwww!!

so just in case your not sure.....Let me just take this opportunity to tell you exactly......Who I Am.

WARNING: If talk of my lifestyle is troublesome for you.....I would suggest moving on to the next journal cause I'm about to real personal here.

My name is Jeannine. Born in Brooklyn, NY in June of 1966. Raised by my mom and my step dad. A biker family. Was more so then, then now. My mom still "in the life", but me....I grew out of it to a point. I still love to ride, just never do. I can remember as I child I've always attached myself to beautiful women. Always wanted to be around them. My parents friends, then teachers as I grew older. Still not really knowing what it was I was feeling. I just knew it was different. I was introduced to the word "lesbian" through my parents actually. My dad had a friend who is gay and we went to her house on night and I was fascinated by her. It all made perfect sense then. I was young, I don't even think I was a teenager yet. But I had feelings. feelings for women.
now as I got older and learned more and more about that life, yes I wanted the experience, I fantasied about it, I thought about it, but I never acted on it. As I got older into my teens, it always was in the back of my mind but I would never say anything or do anything, I would just go with what everyone else was doing and that was dating guys. But they never came around. I lost my virginity at the age of 21 in the backseat of a car with a guy I saw maybe 2 or three times. (my first boyfriend (Pete) never got that chance and we were together for almost 2 years.) I went through a period that I'm not really proud of so I'm not going to dwell on it....it didn't last long, but in that time I realized that this is just not for me. When your with someone your supposed to feel that connection, sex is supposed to be fun, and it wasn't.
one of my best friends at the time shared the same feelings I did. She was the only one who knew how I felt about women, then only one I trusted. We talked a lot about it. We even experimented and it was nothing like I have ever felt in all my life. To this day we are still the best of friends. (she's bi) no obviously there is more to this but I'm not going to dwell....This is the gist of it. So anyway.....It was then that I decided to stop fighting this urge and just be who I am and except it. And I did. And I felt so much better. I knew who I was. I know who I am! And thanks to a good friend of mine who kinda gave me that push....I came out. And when I did.....Nobody cared. It was like everyone knew already. It was the weirdest thing. I have to say that I am quite lucky in that aspect. All my friends and my family were quite accepting of my lifestyle and for that I am so grateful.

at 23 I met my first love. Sherrell. She was 5 years older than me. Beautiful woman, charming personality, you couldn't help but fall in love with her. Everyone did. She was like a magnet. Very Oprah like. Everybody wanted to be around Sherrell. We were together for 9 years. I can't say enough about her, she was just great. But we were going in two totally different directions and with everything going on in my life at the time (grandma's death, then my dad) she wanted to take me away and I couldn't go. She was the one that got away. But we are still friends and I recently got in touch with her again after 4 years and she still the same.

every hear that joke.......What do lesbians do on a 2nd date? Rent a uhaul...Bah dum bum....Well that was my life for a while. After sherrell there was Marie. Marie lived in VA, I moved. I was her first girlfriend. We had a pretty good relationship, great sex...That's about it. That lasted 3 years, she wanted to explore. After Marie came Terry. Terry lived in IL. I moved again. 2 months later she left me for another woman in PA and up and moved about a month later. I don't think I was with long enough to know who she really was.

I decided then that I was not moving for anyone else. Then I met Tina. She moved in with me. Shortly after that I found out she was a compulsive liar and a cheater and was doing things that I just didn't understand and moved out about 3 months later.

and then came Dana. I'm sure those of you who were around know of Dana. She was just nuts. And finally Tina (a different one) who I opened my home to once again, for her daughter to live with me and rake me over the coals by using my act of kindness and choking me with it. Put me in debt, stole from me, and ruined my nice apartment. Tina stayed with me for a short time before moving away and I thought it best to just cut those ties since that was a relationship that wasn't very good for me to be in.

I was very much in love with all of these women at the time. Love is truly blind ya know. However I still remain friends with them all. Except Dana and Tina #2...I don't talk to them.

and now I'm single.

so there you have it...The whole sorted life of jeannine. Now why would I make this shit up. I love my lifestyle. I love loving women. Its a beautiful thing. Am I going to ram it down your throats....I think not. If I have something to say about it....I will. Its my journal. Do I wave my rainbow flag proudly....Hell yes. I have great pride in who I am and I don't hide it from anybody. Everyone who knows me, knows I'm gay. I'm everyone's token lesbian and I'm quite proud of that.

So Let me set that example for those non believers.....I'm here, I'm Queer, get used to it!!

so I still don't get what the emails are about, but it sparked up quite an entry, huh!

keep smilin!!