This moment brought to you by Smirnoff......

so im feeling pretty good right now.

got a little liquor in me.

not so much that i can't tipe.

cuz i can type.

by far not drunk.

just feel reeeeeally good.

that warm fuzzy feeling that makes your head almost heavy. almost

eyes halfway open.

you know.....a feel good moment.

moments that make me wish i had a girlfriend......heh

so i got my flirt on today at the grocery store. it was funny. im working on my flirt. sorta feeling my self these days. just got my hair cut. total dyke i am. really really short...but its gonna look hot in a week. so for the next week ill be called Sir again....kinda funny.

its that short.

if i wasn't feeling so happy...i would try and take a pic....but i really dont' have the minutes on my phone to send it....maybe tomorrow. i need more minutes.

i have laundry to do.

so i was all excited, my girls called me to go hang out at the house but her husband said not tonight.

husbands....bleh i was all excited.

im bored....can you tell

all dressed up and no place to go.

Virtually Wednesday

Ciara....my new love

i want to dance like her....

~insert hysterical laughter here~

i LOVE her video "Like a Boy"

totally rocks, totally hot!!

i heart her.

so not to much going on. im sorta dissapointed in my self. i have yet to go to the gym. another week gone by and im a total slacker. but i know that that is going to change cuz if you could just feel how crappy i feel right now.....you would be saying the same thing.

i have a trip coming up end of april and i don't want to feel like this. man.....this sucks. i can't go back to that. I WON'T GO BACK TO THAT. ive lost 18 lbs already....there is no reason to go backwards. i need to get focused again....and ya know....i think that is happening.

im virtually a little happier this week. lol

i am a DORK!!!

but an adorable one...and you love me for that or you wouldn't be here....lol

my goodness i had a jammed packed day today.

i took the day off cuz i had a ton of things to do and ive been such a slacker that i finally said ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

so....i was out the door at 9am...went to the bank to open accounts...check

in the rain

went to chicago to pick up my license plates for my car...check

in the rain

went to the old walmart to get a few items i needed for the next errand on my list....check

the sun finally came out

talk to a few people i haven't seen in years since i left that horrible place...check

went home to get packages ready for the post office...check

went to the post office....check

got lunch.....check

started to freakin pour, thunder and lightening oh my!!

came home to eat and rest for a bit. it was about 5pm by this time and i was a little beat, but i still had a few more things to do.

pouring down rain now

went to the other walmart to get items on my list....check

power to street lights are out

visited stephanie as i usually do on wednesdays and hope shes not to busy to do my hair.

she was very busy...as usual.

raining so hard you can hear it hitting the roof

but my night oddly enough was very pleasant as i was texting and talking with my "virtual"...heh

i never did get my haircut. im hoping on friday cuz my hair is touching my ears!!!

can't have that.....

perfect cool summer night, breezy.....

ok so i have the Food Network on and Rachel R is in Vancouver and im sooooo completely jealous cuz i want to go back so bad. its been soooo long and there are sooo many new things there now i just want to go go go!!! and take sherrell with me....lol but seriously....i so want to go back. i loved it there. i loved my life then too. of course it was easy when the company paid for everything. living the high life...yes we were........... (sigh) good times

so then stef and i went to dinner and now its 2am and im falling asleep. so on that note.....

have a good night!

Closing My Own Chapter

ok so ive been mourning the loss of Ms. Sexy all week and im done now. since she won't give me closure, ill just make my own. i did nothing wrong. i invited her over for a romantic dinner which she did not show up for and did not call, has yet to call me therefore leaving me hanging and if you do not know this about me....I HATE TO BE LEFT HANGING!!! it drives me batty.

so going with today's technology..... closure has begun......

deleted phone numbers from home, work & cell phones (but i know it by heart..ugh)

deleted saved text messages

deleted caller ID

deleted saved voice mail messages (which was really fucking hard cuz she has the sweetest voice that makes me just stupid when i hear it)

deleted saved emails from work computer (haven't yet done the home one yet)

deleted pictures from work computer (still need to work on home computer)

removed her sexy legs from my myspace page (shame)

blogged my closure process....

emptied the recycle bin.....

it hits me most at work then it does at home cuz it was at work we talked the most. at home i just basically looked at her pictures wishing she would call but never did so it really doesn't bother me as much at home as it does at work. this would be so much easier if i could just get her out of mind but thats not happening just yet. its this whole "left hanging" thing that is annoying me to no end! ya know.....i just want to know why. thats all. then all will be good with the world. she didn't even have to freakin call....email. just let me know. but i guess that is too hard for her. oh fucking well.....

so im done. closure is done. im done talking about this im done thinking about this im done wondering about this im just fucking done. poke me with a fork....IM DONE!!!!!

i even called to go to voice mail. lost her phone my ass......like i was just born yesterday. ugh....

like i said before im not a mean person. at least i don' t think i am. i try not to be. im honest. thats really all it is. i have nothing bad to say about her. all in all i really was taken by her and she seemed genuinely really nice and there were/are a ton of things i loved about her and more that i didn't. but the good certainly did outweight the bad. we clicked. we vibed. really well. we both felt it. it was actaully kinda scary. but we did. but she lived in her own little world and was way to busy for me. her life got in the way. and thats really too bad. i know she has this link and im sure one day she'll read this and i do want her to know that i am glad to have known her for the short time i got to know her. cuz honestly.....she is partly the reason my life got jumpstarted into weight loss. partly.....the rest is just me wanting it really bad (cuz i can see myself in a few months being that cute little dyke that i am.....im gonna have ladies falling all over me!!! heh) but the thought of her really helped. a lot. she had me.....i was done. i was ready. maybe too ready...maybe to eager...i don't know. i guess ill never know.

so thats all i have to say.....oh and if you are reading this....can you please email me and tell what the hell happened!!!

LOL.....kidding..........................................no im not.....

anywho.......

so as a result of my mourning...i gained 1 lb. my bad. didn't go to the gym all week. that was a mistake. but needed to happen and now i begin again....fresh new start. i also ate brownies and ice cream this week. mmmm i did throw away most of it though. seriously. i had two gallons of ice cream (bogo free) i ate one over time and started on the other and was like...oh hell no!! and tossed it. i couldn't toss the brownies though. i ate one a day. lol

so i deserve that 1 lb gain. could have been worse. but ill be back to losing this week for sure.

i just found a full bottle of vodka on my coffee table that i thought was empty. hmmmmm one of the girls brought it over that night we went to the club. i thought we drank it...guess not!! lol

so other than that....everything is cool and kosher. work is great...i love it. still. i have great friends who i love and adore....you know who you are.....

looking forward to more weight loss and new beginnings......

she's out there somewhere..... :)

Still a Little Funky.....

WHAT A FACE!!!

HA HA

Thank you friends for your comments but you have to know, i would never say anything bad about Ms. Sexy. and yeah im still a bit disappointed by all this but im still gonna talk to her if she ever calls. i did get an email today. not that it really said anything but that she lost her phone and didn't have my numbers and seems sad by that.......so i replied with my numbers and im still waiting for the call.

sometimes i wish i could just be one of those people to just no feel anything and say fuck it and move on...but im not. im just not a mean person. so ill wait for the call and see what she says...and take it from there.

in other news....

omgosh i couldn't sleep for shit last night. seems to be a recurring thing on sundays.....i was up till 3am. slept right through my alarm. sarah called me on my cell and asked me where i was i looked at the clock and it said 9am. im at work by 7am. can you say a little tardy??? so i jumped up, called my boss who really couldn't give a crap....lol....she thought i was in traffic....i told her "i wish!!" we laughed and i was at work by 10:30.

THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY!!!! it was in the 60's today...tomorrow almost 70!!! and then snow on thursday....lol back into the 30"s

such a tease

so now im home and im really tired and i really wish i could get this girl off my mind for a few minutes......or at least fucking CALL ME!!!

have a good one.....

FUNKY!!!

so i had this nice romantic dinner, candles, spent hours....HOURS.....making the perfect cd, went out and bought special place settings, got her favorite fucking flowers...sunflower, even made brownies for her to take home to her kids!!! along with her favorite ice cream......

no call

no show

nothing.

needless to say im a bit pissed off. well i was. that was yesterday...today...yeah im still pissed off, but i really don't care anymore.

its her loss.

what makes me mad most of all is that i could have done something like go to bingo or SOMETHING!!....instead of sitting around waiting for her ass to show up.

HOWEVER.....i made a great dinner. it was really good and i drank the wine...that was even better and i talk to maggie who was going on a date WITH A GIRL!!! lol and watched tv.

today i went back and returned everything i bought except the candles and food and went to chicago to see sarah. i spent this evening talking to sherrell (my one who got away) which is always a feel good for me......

and thats that.

so im sorta through with Ms. Sexy. this isn't cute anymore. i guess we'll see what happens if she ever does decided to make phone call....cuz im surely not calling her. im a catch and if she can't see that well then.....thats really too bad. there are plenty of other women out there who would love my company.

so that was my weekend.....how was yours??

Ain't no stopping me now!!

this would be my fish. can you see him just chilling on the side of the volcano thing in my tank. sucker is huge. its my pycastamyst

(OK its 4am people...too lazy to Google!)

so i lost another 4 lbs!!

that would be a total of 18 lbs!!

YEAH BABY!!!

I'd put the song up but again....4am....

i still might though cuz

I FUCKING ROCK!!!

heh

OK....so not to much going on. there are travel plans in the works for me to visit my mom in May and i can't wait! i might be taking a trip in April as well...not sure about that yet.....i think I'm going to be doing some traveling this year....which is what i keep saying every year, but i think this year its going to happen. definitely want to go back to Albuquerque to see my friend.....HI MAGGIE!!

ugh...my cat has a hairball.....lovely

work is good, Sarah is good, Ms. Sexy will be coming over on Saturday for dinner that I'm making.....which is oh so good.....I'm really looking forward to it. I'm making lasagna.

if you go to my My Space page......those are her legs in the background...heh

and yes i got permission

so as i mentioned...its 4am. I've been in bed since 9pm and now I'm up...so i think i will just shower and go to work.

i am sooo looking forward to warm weather