Closing My Own Chapter

ok so ive been mourning the loss of Ms. Sexy all week and im done now. since she won't give me closure, ill just make my own. i did nothing wrong. i invited her over for a romantic dinner which she did not show up for and did not call, has yet to call me therefore leaving me hanging and if you do not know this about me....I HATE TO BE LEFT HANGING!!! it drives me batty.

so going with today's technology..... closure has begun......

deleted phone numbers from home, work & cell phones (but i know it by heart..ugh)

deleted saved text messages

deleted caller ID

deleted saved voice mail messages (which was really fucking hard cuz she has the sweetest voice that makes me just stupid when i hear it)

deleted saved emails from work computer (haven't yet done the home one yet)

deleted pictures from work computer (still need to work on home computer)

removed her sexy legs from my myspace page (shame)

blogged my closure process....

emptied the recycle bin.....

it hits me most at work then it does at home cuz it was at work we talked the most. at home i just basically looked at her pictures wishing she would call but never did so it really doesn't bother me as much at home as it does at work. this would be so much easier if i could just get her out of mind but thats not happening just yet. its this whole "left hanging" thing that is annoying me to no end! ya know.....i just want to know why. thats all. then all will be good with the world. she didn't even have to freakin call....email. just let me know. but i guess that is too hard for her. oh fucking well.....

so im done. closure is done. im done talking about this im done thinking about this im done wondering about this im just fucking done. poke me with a fork....IM DONE!!!!!

i even called to go to voice mail. lost her phone my ass......like i was just born yesterday. ugh....

like i said before im not a mean person. at least i don' t think i am. i try not to be. im honest. thats really all it is. i have nothing bad to say about her. all in all i really was taken by her and she seemed genuinely really nice and there were/are a ton of things i loved about her and more that i didn't. but the good certainly did outweight the bad. we clicked. we vibed. really well. we both felt it. it was actaully kinda scary. but we did. but she lived in her own little world and was way to busy for me. her life got in the way. and thats really too bad. i know she has this link and im sure one day she'll read this and i do want her to know that i am glad to have known her for the short time i got to know her. cuz honestly.....she is partly the reason my life got jumpstarted into weight loss. partly.....the rest is just me wanting it really bad (cuz i can see myself in a few months being that cute little dyke that i am.....im gonna have ladies falling all over me!!! heh) but the thought of her really helped. a lot. she had me.....i was done. i was ready. maybe too ready...maybe to eager...i don't know. i guess ill never know.

so thats all i have to say.....oh and if you are reading this....can you please email me and tell what the hell happened!!!

LOL.....kidding..........................................no im not.....

anywho.......

so as a result of my mourning...i gained 1 lb. my bad. didn't go to the gym all week. that was a mistake. but needed to happen and now i begin again....fresh new start. i also ate brownies and ice cream this week. mmmm i did throw away most of it though. seriously. i had two gallons of ice cream (bogo free) i ate one over time and started on the other and was like...oh hell no!! and tossed it. i couldn't toss the brownies though. i ate one a day. lol

so i deserve that 1 lb gain. could have been worse. but ill be back to losing this week for sure.

i just found a full bottle of vodka on my coffee table that i thought was empty. hmmmmm one of the girls brought it over that night we went to the club. i thought we drank it...guess not!! lol

so other than that....everything is cool and kosher. work is great...i love it. still. i have great friends who i love and adore....you know who you are.....

looking forward to more weight loss and new beginnings......

she's out there somewhere..... :)