Random Thoughts.....

I seem to find myself in a slump again. its so strange how it happens....so gradual. day by day it gets worse and worse and I know its happening but I fail to stop it. I'm thinking that maybe this 2 job thing is not working for me. or maybe that's the slump talking. I know I need to get more sleep. as much as try to get to bed early it never happens and when I do I get woken up so I don't even bother anymore. then trying to get up early. omg I hate it. is this me turning 40?? I struggle so much with myself its almost amusing. anyway....I'm not going to complain today. maybe tomorrow....lol

so I finally got a cell phone. Sarah and I went on a family plan and it works out better for us both. hey did I tell you that she got a job!! way to go!! yeah...she's working for a local pet store as a grooming assistant. perfect job if you ask me....she is around animals all day. its perfect. she's still going to school and this time is doing much better about going. oh..and the girlfriend is gone. (thank the lord...ugh) she's doing so much better now. I'm so proud of her.

so work is good. the day job has been kinda slow these past few weeks but is starting to pick up again. that's good. the 2nd job I'm getting there I guess. I'm starting to think that its not for me. and I don't know if its because I'm dumb or if its because I just don't want to have to think that hard in a 2nd job. there is so much detail to remember.....SO MUCH!!!.....I'm not kidding or exaggerating.....I watch these kids (literally) spew out this stuff like its nothing and here I am stumbling. granted they have been doing this a lot longer than I have, but still....when I was in search for extra income, I wasn't' looking to strain my brain. I do enough of that during the day.....I was thinking of more like a "would you like some fries with that" kinda job. a no brainer....something along the lines of simple. now don't' get me wrong. I love a challenge....but for this...I'm just not feeling it. I find that I have a headache every time I go work. cuz I'm straining my brain to remember every freaking detail about all the plans and phones and options and features and how to solve problems. its really a lot harder than it looks. then again...maybe I'm just dumb. lol

hmmm.....social life is picking up. still seeing Renny. were definitely taking things very slow which is fine with both of us. were not in any hurry, but enjoy each others company when we go out. she's funny as hell and I got her to start her own blog....its linked up there on the right if you want to check it out.

I bought this salad for lunch today. it was a ready made salad that I used to get all the time.....which usually came with dressing except today...there was no dressing. so I ate a dry salad for lunch today and it was yucky. I just picked through it and dumped the rest. so disappointing.....

I need to get my shit together. along with this slump I'm in comes weight gain. completely out of control......AGAIN!! Jesus. will this cycle ever end. someone just beat me in the head already.......I just don't' get it. I know..its my doing...only I can change it...I know I know.....
January is already almost over. 40 is approaching mighty quickly. Renny asked me the other night how I really felt about it. good question. I mean...right now it doesn't' bother me to much. I'm sure as I get closer to it I will start to freak out a little. but then on the other hand I keep remember that Oprah show when she turned 40 and they talked about how wonderful it is and how life begins at 40. I sure hope so. but I'm sure if I had millions in the bank and someone to cook and clean for me I would be happy too. I always thought it would be different though. I know that I made my own choices and my life is what it is today by my own doing...but I always thought that by this time, I would have been more settled in my life. with the house, 2 cars, vacations every year, career job, money in the bank, you know....equity.

I don't have any of that. I live in a basement and my car is 1 bolt away from falling apart and I've got less than $100 to my name (and that's only because I just got paid yesterday....that is what's left...lol)

maybe this will be the year where I get my shit together. I definitely see a new car in my very near future.....perhaps by the end of the year I will have cleared up my bad credit and get enough money saved to have that house......or something I can call my own.

let me end this by saying that I am truly grateful for everything that I do have....my family, my friends, my home, my life, Sarah, everything. I didn't' want this to come off as me feeling sorry for myself, cuz that is not the case. I am Blessed. and I am happy. just thinking about the "what if's"

Have a great day!!